containstracesofnut

I'm a magpie. I hoard things. I invest emotions not in the things themselves, but in the events they connect me to. Like when I go to a wedding of friends, I'll take a keepsake, some little nik-nak to connect me back to the event. A bag of sugared almonds here, a jewish skullcap there. Its probably a symptom of something but it results in a hoard of oddities around my flat, taking up space but I can't find the will to throw them out, to dispose of that memory. It feels almost like a betrayal. 

20 years ago I lived briefly in San Jose. A wonderful period of youthful indomitability. Once I visited a renaissance fair as only the americans can put on. A more efficient organisation of mead and archery I doubt existed in the middle ages. Cholera and poverty were mercifully absent so accuracy may have been sacrificed at the altar of the almighty law suit but I for one, wasnt complaining.

There I bought a jigsaw. A 1500 piece, 1 metre by .5 metre jigsaw of a fantasy scene. Purchased with all the good intentions associated with the acquisition of an exercise machine, and with as much usage in the final analysis. 

But it became my connection to a time and a place and it started a journey with me through 6 apartments and 20 years. Its an unfinished project, a loose end which I promised myself, at every move, I would complete THIS time. No, reeeeaaaallly.

And so I packed it for Malta, knowing I would be alone for the majority of the time and keen to have something to pore over while engaging my brain in Boards work.

Thanks to Lyinair.com's boarding policys and weight restrictions, I took the bag of pieces out of the box and cut the scene out for ease of transport. I transported the pieces to Malta but the scene only as far as my front room where, presumably it still sits. 

I punish myself sometimes when I've been stupid. I force myself to deal with the consequences of my stupidity without redress. I'm also a stubborn git and so it was I unpacked the pieces and set to work to do a jigsaw I had barely seen for 2 decades without any guidance or clear idea of what the scene was. I only remembered that is was very weird and complex. Which is not a particularly useful memory in the circumstances.

Dav offered to go to my flat and email me a pic of it but for some reason the perverse punishment appealed to me. I had already constructed some ideas on how to approach it and curiosity cajoled me into attempting to prove they would work.

 

  
 

 My idea was to bubble-sort the pieces by the primary colour on the piece, then by the secondary colour within that first grouping then by distinctive markings if any, etc etc. Pieces with 4 inlets could not be connected to other pieces of 4 inlets, so they would not be subgrouped near each other. Equally with pieces of 4 outcroppings. I'm sure theres a proper word for those things but  you know what I mean. The theory being that this would locate each piece somewhere in the vincinity of its 4 brethren and that would make things easier.

As with all jigsaws, I started with the edge pieces and corners. My system worked partially and despite the protestations of my maltese mate Eddy that I was barking mad and it couldn't be done, I set myself to the task.

If you have never sat accross a room and glared *balefully* at a jigsaw, let me tell you that when you realise that you have not only anthropomorphised a puzzle and invested it with human qualities, but that you have then determined that those qualities are loathsome, deceitful and malicious... its quite a realisation. Its also time to get up and go to the nearest pub.

I had 30 days and figured that was perfectly adequate. Then I did some maths and realised I would have to connect 50 pieces a DAY to achieve that. Then I realised that my maths was crap and connecting 2 pieces together would probably leave me with a jigsaw of about 750 double pieces. Part of my brain became more interested in working out what the rate of placement would have to be and the rest went back to shouting about the pub.

I cant claim I did it entirely on my own because Eddy finally joined me in what had become a sort of battle of wills with an inanimate object. I sought particular pieces and it *hid* them. Not in the chaos of randomness. No, it did so knowingly, deliberately. 

Obvious and distinctive pieces which should have been easy to find, were obsfuscated among the butter-wouldnt-melt-in-its-mouth innocent arrangement of multitudinous parts. Don't tell me it had no knowledge of its whimsical cruelty. Dont be naive or oblivious to its true nature. It is evil, evil to the core.

Every placement became a victorious skimish in our epic battle. I found myself worryingly smug or sneeringly superior at every defeat I visited upon it until finally, in a rout worthy of its middle ages origin, large swathes of pieces began to fall to my sword. I had overlooked the fact that as I placed pieces in their final locations, the number of pieces remaining dwindled and thus diminished my foe's one and only weapon. Collapse was inevitable and victory, finally, was mine.

 

Vanquished and conquered, I have hung its hide on my wall. Like a trophy.

Hack, hacks and heart attacks.

"hang on, the dynamic duo are saying something is wrong".
"Whats up"
"You better get in here, we're being hacked".

Thats how I found out we were being hacked. An MSN conversation with Dav while in bed. (Yes, I post some of my best stuff from bed).

When I got there you might expect panic, people running about or maybe even Sandra Bullock pressing the Delete Internet key repeatedly. In fact we went into a meeting to determine our response. We'd already turned off the servers and Conor and Ross had done some initial investigations to determine the extent of the damage.

There were a lot of grim determined faces around the table, and the bad news was that within something like 20 odd minutes from breaching the servers, they had made off with the user table. To be honest, had Conor not been on the ball and shut the servers down when we spotted them, it could have been a lot worse but at that point in time it was difficult to see how anything could be worse. Everyone felt the same, heart-sick.

But we focused on the now, we were all aware that time was a factor and we needed to move quickly but we also needed to coordinate our response. Darragh went about prepping the  press release, Dav and I worked on community and communications like twitter and the email, Conor and Ross began isolating evidence and testing that if we blanked all passwords would the system handle it gracefully.

Telling the world you've fubared is not a pleasant experience. No one likes their failings on public display and it was made even more galling by the fact that we hadn't done anything wrong. Passwords to a privileged account had been obtained elsewhere and used for a classic elevation of privileges attack.But try getting that into a soundbite on RTE. The message had to come first, not  covering our blushes and so the message we wanted to convey was "change your passwords on other sites if you used the same details as on Boards".

Ringing your mother up to explain why your site is going to be on the 6.01 News with the phrase "biggest cybercrime in state's history" is pretty awful too. I just wanted to crawl back into bed but time was crucial.

Let me say this in closure for the moment, I've never been prouder of a team then I was of the Boards team that day. We have a lot of fun in the office, we love what we do and we're passionate about it. We laugh and joke a lot but there was none of that that day. There was a grim determination and a professionalism that was at least a silver lining to a day I would otherwise rather forget.


In other news we just finished the No Drama play Wanted: One Body with me playing the part of Mr Sorrell, the undertaker. A gem of a part which let me steal a few scenes without putting in half as much effort as my talented fellow actors. We sold out the run very quickly and it ran perfectly. Ossim!!

Addtionally The Covies has been released in full now and to very warm reviews. I must admit to feeling very nervous about being seen biting fish and wearing seaweed hair but I really enjoyed filming and sure, you have to laugh at yourself if nothing else.

And I need that laugh, dad hasnt been great again but he's on the mend. My Godfather/uncle collapsed from pneumonia and gave himself a hernia in the process.... and when my godmother/aunt came home and found him on the floor... she had a heart attack. They both got the same ambulance to James's hospital. Like I said, you gotta laugh really.

So, I've packed my stuff and retreated to Malta to get away from everything for a while and get my head straight and work on Boards.ie's future plans. Its been good, weird, but good. Its felt a bit like Henry Miller writing The Tropic of Cancer lol... I'll write more about that soon.

I'm losing my mind. Literally....

I honestly dont know the day number. I have lost all track of time and space.

I've had a huge amount to film in the last few days, I have quite a big part in the production so its been pretty hectic on set. I thought it would be 8 episodes of 10 minutes each but actually they are about 15 minutes each so in total its about the length of a decent film. There are 220 scenes in it and I'm in about 35 of them.

Shooting scenes is intensive. Its hard work as an actor. The lines are easily learned but the focus and concentration to play the part with the camera so close it hard.  Lights and camera set up takes time to do right, and then everything has to be hit on the mark for the scene to be "wrapped". Worse is that every scene is re-shot  several times from several different angles and needs to be re-acted as a result. It means late nights and a lot of sitting around sometimes but its been a blast and I've loved every minute of it.

Some of the stuff I have been doing these last few days has been physical comedy. I've been slapped (hard!) in one scene which provoked guffaws from the crew when I went flying practically over a desk. Then of course we had to reshoot it from three angles! Ow.
After that I was to be hit with a frying pan, which was great fun. We managed to pull it off such that the crew actually thought I HAD been hit! I let them rush on set while I lay motionless on the ground for giggles...

I've been tied to a chair for a fantasy scene (see the photo) and been up to my elbows rummaging in a bin. So, glamourous it aint, but fun... yeah, a lot of fun!

Westport is a great place, the locals are mad as brushes but very friendly. I've been treated like royalty by them and housed in the sumptuous Castle Court Hotel. It has a lovely spa/sauna, (which we used for a shot, see pic) and rooms with WIFI. Thats plenty for me to be happy with but the staff and the food have been superb too. Suffice it to say, if you are thinking of coming to the west of Ireland, let me recommend Westport and the Castle Court Hotel. I've stayed in top hotels from Vegas to Malaysia and this is every bit as good.

     

There are two promo's done already and you can find them here:

Not a bad aul day...

Shooting a drama is a lot like tournament poker. Hours of boredom interspersed with moments of sheer terror.

Due to scheduling alterations I had most of thursday off with a call at 5, so I pampered myself with a sauna, jacuzzi and swim. I thought to myself, if the lads could see me now in a jacuzzi waiting for a Hair&Makeup call I'd never live it down.

  

Then I wandered Westport in the sunshine looking for a nice photo or two with my Canon. Westport has grown as a town impressively since the last time I was here. The Covies (the nickname of the people who live here and coincidentally the name of the drama) can be rightly proud of the place. The support we have had from the locals has been astounding, really overwhelming. Its big news here that we are filming and everyone wants to help. Its an incredible community feeling, from the Gardai loaning us a uniform to the hotels putting up the cast (i'm in the 5-star Castle Court Hotel... its lush). All the costumes have been provided by local shops on loan and the locations have all been loaned as well.

Part of the project has been funded by local councils of various kinds in order to show that Westport is a viable option for production companies to come and shoot and I have to tell you that it most definitely is that. Its beautifully scenic, the locals businesses and politicians are thoroughly supportive and people couldn't be nicer. I really hope they like the final outcome because parts of the drama are quite dark and other parts (like mine) are comic. I wouldn't like them to think we were mocking them.

So on to the shoot. We have a scene where my family are all seeing/hallucinating/imagining other characters unbeknown to each other. The scene is long, it involves the entrance and exit of 4 characters plus it has to be shot from 4 different angles, and each time it has to be shot with and without the imaginary characters (but we still have to act to empty places they were) so its 8 shots in total. Its a technical nightmare. Its also hard on the actors who have to play this long scene over and over and over again, each time exactly as they had been doing it before sometimes without the other actor to play back at you. The crew went to work setting up while we sat around waiting for our turn in the makeup chair.

By the way, here's a "pro tip", if you are sat at a breakfast scene on a long shoot and you are hungry, DON'T make yourself breakfast with the props. It really annoys the director and the continuity guy :)
I had mouthful of (absolutely *foul*) Tesco Special Flakes in my gob and another spoonful halfway to the target when they looked back at me, cheerily tucking in. Suffice it to say, its really not a good idea to move props. Thankfully everyone saw the funny side of it... :)

We move to the lounge for this tough shoot and the actors huddle to sort out cues and lines and blocking. The crew are still debating how they want to shoot this and the costume and makeup ladies are fussing over everyone. We're all dreading this scene because we know how hard this is going to be to shoot but its also comedy gold and we if we can nail it it will really be a great scene. The crew are stifling laughs at it already.

Its a testament to the professionalism of everyone on the set that even though we were well into the evening everyone went to work and did their jobs and we got it on tape pretty damned quickly. Its 1am and we're all chilling with a beer and breaking down lights and cameras and I walked out into the Mayo night. Clew bay is speckled with bungalow lights and the slightest moonlight on the waves. How do I get myself into these mad situations, but you know what... there are worse places to be right now. Many of them.

I know Kung Fu.

First day over and ok... that was hard. Not like The Times crossword hard. Harder. Yesterday we did a full days shooting of the "family" scenes and boy, I learned a barrel-load about filming and acting on camera. I now know what a "wild track" is, how to "cheat to camera", what "rushes" are and an inkling of the vast vast difference between stage and screen acting. My brain hurts from being stretched to accommodate all this new information.

The day started with message from the director saying I had a wardrobe call at 2. Me. A wardrobe call. Next I'll have a trailer! Wardrobe consisted of trying on my increasingly embarrassing costumes to ensure they all fit. Unfortunately, they do.

Hair and makeup are next and for spoiler reasons I cant explain why I look like i've been on a No-Drama all night bender...

 

I met some of my co-actors, Aoife (who quite coincidentally plays my wife, Aoife) and Paul who plays my goth son, Cahill. We also met Chris who plays Father Leonard. Introductions over, and getting past the ridiculousness of our respective makeups and costumes, we started rehearsing in earnest. Len has done a great job of casting I must say.

 

Paul transformed from a pleasant affable 20-something into goth teenager with ease and he really has a talent for acting. I cant wait to see him in the other scenes. Aoife is more then a match for me and I had to up my game considerably to avoid being the weak link.

Ok, so the first thing I learned is: this isn't stage acting. Its simultaneously both easier and harder than stage work... lines are learned almost on the set, rehearsals are practically non existent compared to the mountain of work you do for a play. But you have a million more things going on while you are trying to act and a billion more things to think of and consider. On stage its you, your fellow actors (and because of rehearsals you almost know their lines and actions as well as you know your own) and the audience. That's its, its absolutely pure. No distractions.

On set you have several cameramen, a lighting guy, a props person, a sound boom guy and the director. At least. And most of these people are doing things while you are acting the scene. That's distracting enough but the golden rule is YOU MUST IGNORE THEM. You can so much as flick an eye over to the boom that is hovering just above your forehead. You cant look directly at the camera regardless of how much the camera man is stuffing it in your mug and don't look at the director when he's giving you off camera cues. 

Your movements on stage have to be expansive, lingering, dynamic. You have a big stage and people expect to see you fill it. Subtle doesn't work on stage, everyone is too far away to see "subtle" so you learn to be subtle, writ large. On camera its the opposite, movements have to be definite, small, short. A slight lift of an eyebrow, the narrowing of eyes in the beginning of a wince, the pursing of lips can all convey a huge amount. Too many and you start to look like William Shatner.

 

This is where I confess to feeling out of my depth. Now, i'm not exactly easily intimidate. I've done a lot of odd, strange or downright weird stuff. But yesterday was very close to my limit. We shot the first scene over and over and over, changing little things, correcting things, reviewing things for stray reflections and errant noises. Anything can blow a shot and force a reset. Once we had bagged it, I felt a huge relief and got up to get changed for the next scene. Oh no... my idea that "scene = shot" was quickly corrected while we did about 5 more shots of the same scene from different angles and close ups, all of which have to be acted in exactly the same way as before in order to make the editing and splicing of them seamless. The realisation dawns on me... we are in for a long night...

A word about the crew... They are legends. This isn't an easy shoot, that's clear. The budget isn't there and everyone is double and triple jobbing. The days are long (they had been shooting since early morning yesterday before we arrived) and things are being pulled together by the seat of Len's pants. But they are brilliant. No complaints, no bitching or moaning, setups are done fast and they work well with each other the way people who really understand their jobs work well together. Its awesome to watch.

Its also intimidating because, quite frankly, I'm a greenhorn at this game. I've done a little bit of stage work and training and some radio experience. At first I felt like a fraud, a shyster. I thought at any moment one of the crew is just going to stand up and point at me and say "hey, this schmuck doesn't know what he's doing" "Len, I cant work with this idiot", and I would be forced to admit they were right and leave, shunned by people who were correct to expel me from their clique of expertise.

But they didn't, in fact they simply worked harder to accommodate me. Little directions and tips here and there. A word of advice slipped in between coffee's. I lapped it up like a starved pup. At the end of the shoot, just after midnight I sat in my chair elated that we had completed the first day and Len was happy. I was shattered though. Mentally exhausted, and decompressing from the extended period of focus on every little thing you have to remember and consider. The cameraman was packing his stuff away beside me...

"sorry we over-ran, I'm way out of my depth, still getting the hang of this", I grinned, weakly.
"you joking?" he says earnestly.  "You knocked it out of the park."
"Ah, that's very kind of you to say."
"Mate, we got some great footage today. I'm well impressed with you." With that he hoist his bag onto his shoulder and left.

Christ, I needed to hear that.

Making a drama out of a crisis....

Long ago in a galaxy far far away, I was a poker reporter. I reported on high stakes poker tournaments and competitions, relaying the fortunes of the Irish competitors. It was there I met Len Collin for the first time. He's not hard to miss is our Len, the only thing bigger about him then his size is his personality. We got on immediately.

Roll forwards a few years. I'm still playing poker but not reporting on it any more. I've gotten interested in acting and been in a play with the No Drama group from Boards.ie. Mel Gibson I aint but I do seem to have some talent for this and I'm really enjoying it.

So, out of the blue I get a call from Len. Now, I know Len is a big time writer. His credits include 41 episodes of The Bill, episodes of Holby City, Casualty, Soldier Soldier, Londons Burning etc. So, you might have seen his work if you have you know, a telly.

"Where are you in the world?". Its the first and most common question I get from my mates when they call because my nutjob life could have me anywhere and like, long distance is expensive!

Len has a production coming up and wants me to use Boards to help recruit people to audition. I tell him about my nascent acting interest. He doesnt laugh hysterically which I take as a good sign.

So. Auditions. Tricky things. You might think that knowing the writer/director makes it a walk but I know Len. He's a very fair and even handed person. Plus when it comes to his work I know he'll choose the best actor for the job... connection has got me an audition, but thats as far as it will go and I'm good with that.

Theres 4 people in the room and a video camera. Oh God, they're going to video this?? My left hemisphere slaps my right, hard. If you get this there's going to be an awful lot more "video cameras" you twonk.

"Recite Humpty Dumpty". Immediately the one thing in the world I cannot remember is the start of that stupid stupid nursery rhyme. "Any style or direction?" "Nope, off you go". <pause> "None?" I still cant remember it. I am now panicing. "In your own time.".

"Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, no wait, thats not the first line is it". IDIOT IDIOT IDIOT.
"Don't worry, its just a test for lines". Yeah, great, awesome, a test... a test for lines, a test I've just massively failed.You're blowing this audition!

On to piece of improv where I play a hypochondriac talking to his doctor. I had thought I could put in a journeyman audition and have a shot at a part but I've blown it so I have to step up and prove myself. I have to take a chance or two and trust to myself and go for it.
My time in No Drama workshops has prepared me for this though. I throw myself into it, I've nothing to lose after all.

Two days later the phone rings and I get the good news, I've actually landed the role. I knew it wasnt the lead I was auditioning for but it turns out the role is very sizeable one and will be in most of the episodes.

There'll be 8, 10-minute webisodes as what we think will be the first serious professionally-made-for-internet episodic drama. Len's script is terrific. Its like a dark Father Ted meets Twin Peaks set in Westport. This is drama you wouldnt see on TV...

Filming starts on location in Mayo early September. I'll try to keep a daily blog of the shoot and pics etc.

Holy. Shit.

We have weapons of mass destruction! Invade us, please!!

taken Sunday 15th Feb 2009. click to enlarge.

The above picture was taken outside the US Embassy for a few reasons. Firstly I thought it was funny, I heard Jon Stewart on the Daily Show say something like it and I thought "yeah, it would be great if the US invaded Ireland! We could be rid of the the shower who are ruling us now! We're more like America then Europe anyway!":)

Secondly when I thought of it, a voice in my head said "ehh, you're nuts, it will get you into trouble". Once I thought that I realised I had to do it. I thought it was funny and there's nothing "wrong" about doing it. I wanted to demonstrate (more to myself then anyone) that we still live in a world where someone can do something like that "for the lulz" so to speak.

I dont have an agenda, I'm not even in a political party. I'm not a raving lefty or a christian rightwinger. It is what it is, if you get a giggle from it, terrific. We had a great laugh doing it.